Gods Goodness

God is so good.
He is always working on something. He works with us and for us. Never will he turn against us. We must surrender ourself to His way and will. It's not really about what we want. Just know He will supply what you need, when it's needed. He will give you the desires of your heart. The bible says immediately after that verse to " commit your way to Him; trust in Him and he will do it."  God will always keep His word.
For the past 40 days I was compelled to leave Facebook. Didn't know why, but going into the fast I had developed some expectations of what I thought God would do. Boy was I wrong. That's okay. He still helped me through it. He did however work through me anyway. I was able to ask for my mom and dad's forgiveness. In fact I've had a couple of heart to heart conversations with my Dad. It was all  God.
I did say that however during these 40 days that I would spend more time with God and stay focused on Him. Some days I did fail, but I got right back up and moved forward. God loves me unconditionally. So no matter what, I'm loved. BUT I love Him too.
Jesus is my savior. He died for me all because He loved me.
God is so good.

The Point Is...

What's the point in really trusting God? Is there a point? Does it really matter or not if we trust in God? I absolutely think it does. We may not know the reasons why certain events or life lessons happen, but it is necessary to trust God. We have to know that God is always working and always has a plan. We need to trust Him at all times.

Because of Love

(This was written at about midnight on August 7, 2014. Starts off as a conversation with God.)

Still awake. Haven't even began to dose off. So I am a little curious to know if there is anything You are wanting me to do right now. If its just that I'm a little restless, then speak to my mind to be still and rest. However, if You're just wanting a few moments with Your Bride, then I am most willing and happy to do so. 

(Thoughts begin now. Some may be added as I write this version. LOL)

As ladies, we like to know how special  we are from our husbands/boyfriends (well, from anyone really). So I really think it would be the same the other way around. Even though they may not voice it, our men, they need to know how special they are to us ladies. The man's role is not easy. Their role is to be the head. They are to provide. They are to make the final decision of the household. They are to be like Christ, willing to give their life for the ones they love, because of love. 

I did say that most men will not voice their need of knowing how special they are. Some just don't show emotion like that. Don't judge them for it. Don't force them. I once dated a man who tried to force me to really express my feelings, but I didn't want to. Nothing personal, but why would I share feelings if I don't really mean them. Makes no sense. Saying, "I love you", it may just be three words, but those three words mean so much. We need to take them very seriously. 

Love should be a simple action, but not taken lightly. We are told in the Bible to love the Lord with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength. Then to love our neighbors as we love ourselves.. Take these seriously, as they are the two most greatest commandments God ever gave. There have been times when I should have checked myself before saying "I love you" to some people. Please forgive me Lord for not being true. LOVE IS NOT A GAME!!! Love is and should be part of our everyday walk with Jesus. After all, Jesus fulfilled  His Father's plan by becoming man, coming to earth, dying on a cross, and rising again. All for you and me. Why? Because of love. Maybe some can answer this question: who knows someone in their life who would honestly give their life for them? (Hope that made sense) You may not know of anyone, but then, there is someone who did just that...Jesus! All because of love.

God is love. Its what He's all about. His word is love from beginning to end. He's made us promises, that He WILL keep, because of love. When He made man, He made woman for man. He saw that it was NOT GOOD for a man to be alone. It's all because of love. 

Because of His love  for us, He's also made a way when there seems to be no way. Because of His love, He's one our battles. We have VICTORY through Him.

Whatever He does for you, whatever He does for me, its all because of how much He loves us. So don't you think we should  express how much we love Him. Because the last time I checked, a relationship isn't a one-person effort. It requires all persons involved. Alos, don't just say "I love you", show it with action behind the words. Let people know how special they are to God. Let them know how much God really does love them. By doing this, you're letting God know how loved and special He is to you.

Time to Heal and Just Be Quiet

Today was a great day. I left town for a few hours and I'm so glad I did. It wasn't long that I discovered that today was definitely ordained by The Lord. For those who have been praying for me, thank you. For those who have lately seen a not so lovely, but hurtful side of me, I'm sorry. 

Anyway, today I went and saw a couple that has known me my whole life. They knew me while I was still in my mothers womb. That's how far back we go. Everything that happens or that we do, I believe happens for a reason. Today the Holy Spirit was with us. He directed the whole conversation. For the first time I was actually honest with myself and honest with God. I'm not sure why we try to hide things from our Father, He already knows all. 

Good things are coming. Good things are happening. God's plan is unfolding before my very eyes. God is good to me. He spoke right on time and confirmed what He's been saying to me. God always confirms!!! He has everything under control. I love Him so much. 

Now without going into too much, I'm going to say the following. I'm in a season of quietness and healing; needing to fully trust in God to take care of my needs and desires. I do hope it doesn't take long, but however, if it does take a while, I'm still coming out with victory. I'm an overcomer. 

Let me encourage you while reminding myself of this one thing. Being in a season of quietness and stillness, instead of running to your friends, family, or whoever first, have a conversation with Jesus. He'll give the best advice. He'll know exactly what to do and how to go. Trust in Him. 

Not Sure Why

Ever wonder if something is wrong with you? This past week has been very difficult. I've been trying to answer "What's wrong with me?" Of course I have come up with a whole list of what it could be, but not one specific answer. My mom and I were talking the other night and we discussed how this all might have started. Yep. I firmly believe this whole mess started when my last relationship ended. I started to wonder if it was really all my fault. Maybe I have commitment issues. 

All this week all I have wanted to do is just walk away. I've seriously thought about getting in my car and leaving. Not going to let anyone know where I'm going, I'm just wanting to leave. All week I've felt not good enough for anything or anyone. I've been thinking to myself, "Why am I nice?" It gets me no where. So it seems anyway. 

I don't need to be reminded how much I've screwed up. There are days where I feel like a wasted space. Now I know that's not true, but there have been times when I beg God to please not wake me up. Not feeling very important or feeling like a priority of any level. 

Now please do not take me the wrong way when I say this next statement. I know that I have sinned and done wrong. Even after repented, it still does not make me perfect. BUT... it really hurts when I've tried to do right, no matter what it is, and I'm still in this mess I'm in. Then there are people who could care less if its right or not, and they manage to have the right car, right job, right relationship, etc. 

And people who actually work hard, still have nothing to show for it. 

I'm hurt and broken. 
Feeling sometimes confused.

Why is it so hard? 

I'm trying to figure out what's triggering me wanting to snap because I have no clue.

 
 

Depression: It Had To Go

The Clint Brown song, "If Not For Grace" is really summing up my night tonight. The song was not sang this evening, but the lyrics are flowing throughout my head and spirit. Had God not intervened and moved on my behalf tonight I would hate to know where my life would be headed. I'm so thankful that I do not have to find out. My chains were broken. Heart was mended. Filled up with the Holy Spirit. I am overflowing with joy. I'm so glad that I went inspire of my 3 day old headache. Came home with no headache. I know that I am healed. I will not give up. I will press on.
Let me just say, depression is real. It is of and from Satan. So it and Satan can go back to the put of hell where they came from. Because I am a Child of The King. No more will I be bound by depression or anything else for that matter that the enemy tries to throw at me.

Tonight I experienced and encountered the love of God. Experience His love for You. Seek Him out. Pursue His presence.

My Life Moment

I'm not myself lately. Even I can admit that. I'm going through life's trials, if that's what you want to call them. Yes, I go through a routine of getting up Monday through Friday and going to work. On Sunday I get up and go to church. But really, lets be honest, my life is boring. Go ahead and tell me that its my fault. I'll understand. I think I know why people don't want anything to do with me. I'm wasted breath and space. I'm not interesting. Maybe I'm too strange or too obnoxious. Maybe I'm not caught up with the lastest trends enough. Who knows what the real reason is. 
Maybe that's why I'm finding satisfaction in other "worldly" things. I've done things that I never thought I would do. Never thought I'd be a drinker. Never thought I'd have an addiction to food, among other small things. I'm to the point where I don't care what happens to my body. It's not like I'm pleasant to look at. Who would want to spend time with me? Let's list the reasons why not:

1. I'm not skinny

2. Some extra body to my frame

3. Red hair

4. Not tan

5. Actually likes to cover up and not reveal self to people

6. Maybe I talk funny

7. Almost 30 and still a virgin (maybe I should reconsider this one)

8. Not really a big drinker

9. Maybe its my green/hazel eyes

I could probably go on. 

Oh well, this is my life. Work and stay in bed. Most days I don't want to get out of bed. It would be nice to have somewhere to call home, but lately I don't even feel welcome there. All I want to do is change things up a bit. Is it too much to ask?