Health Update #2

My confidence has boosted this week!! On Monday I went for my check-up and found out some great news. My total weight loss as of May 13, 2013 is 17 lbs. That means two more pounds managed to get lost. Can't forget to mention that I have lost 5 inches off my waist. Talk about being a little giddy. After these stats, the nurse went to take my BP, and the machine couldn't read it because of all my excitement. I couldn't contain myself. For once, especially in a doctors office I couldn't sit still. I was laughing and I know my smile was from ear to ear.  So I had to calm down, breathing in and out to do so and try again. It finally read 110/76. AWESOME!!

My overall goal is to lose anywhere from 70 to 100 pounds. However, I know that I can't think of it like that so I gave myself a set of short term goals. My first short term goal is to lose 20 lbs. I am almost there. It's been a lot harder than what I thought it would be, but not impossible. I am surrounded by people that are encouraging and helpful.

I am so thankful for what has been achieved so far. I must continue to move forward. 

Once I reach my goal of 20 lbs, I plan on taking a picture just to see if I can tell a difference. Others can tell by looking at me; the only way that I have been able to tell my weight loss is because my clothes are becoming loose. In fact, bought a pair of sweat pants on Wednesday and I got them them a size and a half smaller.

YAY!! Praise The Lord! 

Health Update

I am so happy right now, can't really contain myself. I have lost 15 pounds as of this morning (May 4). What have I been doing? No sugars. Little to no carbs. 

Towards the middle of April I was diagnosed with Type 2. That explained a lot as to why I was always not feeling very well. I knew that changes had to be made. Beginning the diet I weighed in at 270. Already by losing just 15 pounds, it has boosted my confidence. I am determined to not deal with this for the rest of my life. It must go!!! 

My goal is to lose about 100 pounds. Along with eating right, I have also been praying for God's help and strength. I have people surrounding me that will encourage and have been encouraging me. I am truly blessed with those people in my life.

Healing A Broken Heart

After my vent to God and still in tears, I went to my mom and laid my head on her lap. She immediately began to pray over me. It wasn't long that I began to feel His love again. I knew and still believe that God loves me. When I returned to my bedroom I just began to praise God for what He has done and for the many blessings in my life. Sometimes I forget what He's already done. God will never change who He is. He has healed my broken heart. For that I am thankful.

To be honest and even more real with you, I had to repent for my actions earlier in the day. I became so frustrated that I slammed my Bible to the floor. Not me at all. You see I am a child of the King. No matter how many times I screw up and fail, God is always there to pick us back up on our feet. He is the God of the second chance; third and fourth chance; the 1,337 chance, etc. He has forgiven me. I receive that forgiveness. Thank you Jesus!

Being Real

Let me be real with you. 
I am so frustrated at God right now. Seems like everything I do or I want to do he says no or worse he doesn't say anything. Totally feeling ignored. Why trust Him? Is there really hope? The little hope that I thought I had left is gone. To the point where when I go to bed, I don't want to wake up. God said to ask. So I asked. I asked for clear and specific, just feel like he passed me by. Answering the prayers of others, which is all good and all, but what am I doing wrong? Trying so hard not be selfish. Trying to not let my pride get in the way, but come on!!! What in the world!!! I don't like fake, so I try not to be fake. I want people to see something different in me, than what they do in others. 

As I write this, I wonder why I do the things I do. Why do I pray? Why do I read the Bible? Why do I help others? Why do I even "save" myself ? Really? Is it that important? 

John 15:7 says, " If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you." The word abide means to continue in a particular condition, attitude, relationship, etc.

Well, its what I am trying to do. I refuse to give up this relationship I have with Christ, but God, show me something. You recently told me that those whom you have placed in my life have been sent to encourage me, but being able to receive is hard. Sometimes I feel like that orphan who You or nobody wants anymore. 

Coming home from church I cried all the way, because I felt like a piece of thrown away garbage. God!!! Is it that hard for You to wrap Your arms around me? Tell me its going to be okay.  

I love God. I love Jesus. I love all the people who God has placed in my life. Knowing that I need to persevere in God. That's what I am going to do. Jesus wants us to be real with HIm. He already knows what is oin our hearts and what's going through our minds. So we might as well. 

Who I Was; Who I Am Now

Well, for starters, I know all about church. I was raised in and around church. From birth until now. My whole life has been centered around church and Christian morals and values. I heard all about the words of Jesus and the works of Jesus. I knew very early in life that salvation was the way to heaven only through Jesus. At age 4, I sang my first solo in church. I participated in the church plays and all the children's productions. 
At about age 8 or 9, I attended youth camp. Always looked forward to camp. It was the best part of my summer. This particular summer would put me on a course that would change my life. I GET SAVED!!! Definitely the best day ever. I believed and I made a choice.
Life went on. Continued to grow up and began learning how to serve in the church. My parents, both Godly and very talented in music, I started playing in the church band. As I mentioned earlier, I sang in the children's choir. Then when I finally made it to youth group, I joined the youth choir. That would eventually lead me to singing with the adults. 
In March 2003, the youth goes to Winterfest. I will never forget this trip. About 50-60 teens pile up in a charter bus and head up to Knoxville, TN for the weekend. Whoop! Whoop! Little did I know my life was about to change. During the service I knew that something was missing. I knew that even though I had gotten saved at such a young age, I knew that I had not been applying Christ to my life. I wanted a fresh start; a new beginning. This was the weekend that I dedicated my life back to Christ. The next night to follow I would be filled with the Holy Spirit. 
Since then my life has not been the same.
I am so thankful for Jesus Christ. I am forever grateful for the cross that He died on so that I could and may live. 

Recently I was asked the following questions:

1. What is the essence of God's message through you? Even though I knew all about church, and I was a good person, God had to show me that I was empty. The only way I could be full was to be full in Him. I had to accept Christ as my Savior. 
2. What is His call/purpose on your life? Well, just any other believer, we all share the calling to share the Gospel with others. I'm learning that it may be in a different way, but just as long as His word and truth are shared, then Praise the Lord.

Even since my re-dedication, I have messed up. I have had to ask God's forgiveness. Sometimes that's on a more than once a day, daily basis. That's cool though. God's grace is sufficient. Jesus cares for me enough, that He is not giving up on me. Thank God that He didn't. 

A Letter

It's been several times when I thought what I would do if we ever met up and saw each other face to face. Sometimes I wonder why there has been such a gap of time. You were someone I looked up to; someone I could come to about anything. Not anymore. When I learned the news of the divorce, I was devastated. That afternoon I laid in my mothers arms and cried. Since then I have placed a guard up over my heart. I have noticed that when I date and get into relationships, I end up dating the wrong guy. I will also end up breaking their heart before they have a chance to break mine. Am I too afraid to let the good ones in? Some people might say that I am, but its been eight years since the news and I am learning that it does not have to be my situation. At first, forgiveness was the furthest thing from my mind. I knew I needed to forgive, but I was so angry with you. However, I can't be this way anymore. I have to forgive and I will. Hatred and bitterness towards you is not an option. I do not hate you. I do forgive you. I hope you can forgive me too.

Sincerely, 

Quiet Noise

Today has been a very quiet day. I woke up the first time at 6:40-ish, stayed up for a couple of hours and decided to take a nap. I slept until almost 1:00 in the afternoon. There has been a lot on my mind and today has been one of those days where I felt I could think clearly, without any distraction. Parents are on vacation/business trip. They will be gone several days. Then my brother has been working all evening. So the quietness has been enjoyed and appreciated.