Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Three Weeks and Holding

Wrote the following about three weeks ago sitting in church.

No one knows how hurt I am except you. No one knows how scared I am except you. No one knows what thoughts go through my mind except you. No one knows what I've been through except you. No one knows how lonely I am except you. No one knows how often I cry myself to sleep except you. No one knows all the rejection I have faced except you. I know that I have failed. I know that I have fallen. I know that at times I'm ashamed of my past.

Lord I know you love me. I know you are my Savior. I know you are my friend even when it feels I am without. I know you are my helper. I know you are my provision. I know that you are my strength. I know that I am your child. I am your daughter. I am YOURS!!!

Show me Your glory.

Saturday, October 19, 2013


Feeling stuck.

If I could sum everything up that I'm going through, then there it is: feeling stuck. How am I stuck? In my direction. Here I am almost 28 years old and I have no clue what I need/want to do with my life. I used to think I did but since nothing has worked out for me, then I think I need a new game plan. Being in a career mode has never been my center focus. Well now it looks like I should become more focused on a career. Thing is I'm torn between my decision. Should I go in the direction of medical? Dental? Or really go the other way and do education? Should I finish my bachelors in theology? I do want to be financially stable. However, I see where God has placed me. I'm experiencing blessings and doors opening just from becoming an after school teacher. Shortly after that I was asked to join the preschool staff and the teaching staff at my church. So one would think that teaching is where I need to be.
Want to know what my dream  job is? It's to become a wife. Maybe a mom. Bug the older I get and the longer I wait, that dream becomes more unrealistic. Sometimes I think that married life just isn't for me. So why not have a career? The only way I'm going to know what to do is pray and maybe even fast. Definitely has to be God and no one else. That includes me.