Saturday, September 6, 2014

Gods Goodness

God is so good.
He is always working on something. He works with us and for us. Never will he turn against us. We must surrender ourself to His way and will. It's not really about what we want. Just know He will supply what you need, when it's needed. He will give you the desires of your heart. The bible says immediately after that verse to " commit your way to Him; trust in Him and he will do it."  God will always keep His word.
For the past 40 days I was compelled to leave Facebook. Didn't know why, but going into the fast I had developed some expectations of what I thought God would do. Boy was I wrong. That's okay. He still helped me through it. He did however work through me anyway. I was able to ask for my mom and dad's forgiveness. In fact I've had a couple of heart to heart conversations with my Dad. It was all  God.
I did say that however during these 40 days that I would spend more time with God and stay focused on Him. Some days I did fail, but I got right back up and moved forward. God loves me unconditionally. So no matter what, I'm loved. BUT I love Him too.
Jesus is my savior. He died for me all because He loved me.
God is so good.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

The Point Is...

What's the point in really trusting God? Is there a point? Does it really matter or not if we trust in God? I absolutely think it does. We may not know the reasons why certain events or life lessons happen, but it is necessary to trust God. We have to know that God is always working and always has a plan. We need to trust Him at all times.

Friday, August 8, 2014

Because of Love

(This was written at about midnight on August 7, 2014. Starts off as a conversation with God.)

Still awake. Haven't even began to dose off. So I am a little curious to know if there is anything You are wanting me to do right now. If its just that I'm a little restless, then speak to my mind to be still and rest. However, if You're just wanting a few moments with Your Bride, then I am most willing and happy to do so. 

(Thoughts begin now. Some may be added as I write this version. LOL)

As ladies, we like to know how special  we are from our husbands/boyfriends (well, from anyone really). So I really think it would be the same the other way around. Even though they may not voice it, our men, they need to know how special they are to us ladies. The man's role is not easy. Their role is to be the head. They are to provide. They are to make the final decision of the household. They are to be like Christ, willing to give their life for the ones they love, because of love. 

I did say that most men will not voice their need of knowing how special they are. Some just don't show emotion like that. Don't judge them for it. Don't force them. I once dated a man who tried to force me to really express my feelings, but I didn't want to. Nothing personal, but why would I share feelings if I don't really mean them. Makes no sense. Saying, "I love you", it may just be three words, but those three words mean so much. We need to take them very seriously. 

Love should be a simple action, but not taken lightly. We are told in the Bible to love the Lord with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength. Then to love our neighbors as we love ourselves.. Take these seriously, as they are the two most greatest commandments God ever gave. There have been times when I should have checked myself before saying "I love you" to some people. Please forgive me Lord for not being true. LOVE IS NOT A GAME!!! Love is and should be part of our everyday walk with Jesus. After all, Jesus fulfilled  His Father's plan by becoming man, coming to earth, dying on a cross, and rising again. All for you and me. Why? Because of love. Maybe some can answer this question: who knows someone in their life who would honestly give their life for them? (Hope that made sense) You may not know of anyone, but then, there is someone who did just that...Jesus! All because of love.

God is love. Its what He's all about. His word is love from beginning to end. He's made us promises, that He WILL keep, because of love. When He made man, He made woman for man. He saw that it was NOT GOOD for a man to be alone. It's all because of love. 

Because of His love  for us, He's also made a way when there seems to be no way. Because of His love, He's one our battles. We have VICTORY through Him.

Whatever He does for you, whatever He does for me, its all because of how much He loves us. So don't you think we should  express how much we love Him. Because the last time I checked, a relationship isn't a one-person effort. It requires all persons involved. Alos, don't just say "I love you", show it with action behind the words. Let people know how special they are to God. Let them know how much God really does love them. By doing this, you're letting God know how loved and special He is to you.

Saturday, July 26, 2014

Time to Heal and Just Be Quiet

Today was a great day. I left town for a few hours and I'm so glad I did. It wasn't long that I discovered that today was definitely ordained by The Lord. For those who have been praying for me, thank you. For those who have lately seen a not so lovely, but hurtful side of me, I'm sorry. 

Anyway, today I went and saw a couple that has known me my whole life. They knew me while I was still in my mothers womb. That's how far back we go. Everything that happens or that we do, I believe happens for a reason. Today the Holy Spirit was with us. He directed the whole conversation. For the first time I was actually honest with myself and honest with God. I'm not sure why we try to hide things from our Father, He already knows all. 

Good things are coming. Good things are happening. God's plan is unfolding before my very eyes. God is good to me. He spoke right on time and confirmed what He's been saying to me. God always confirms!!! He has everything under control. I love Him so much. 

Now without going into too much, I'm going to say the following. I'm in a season of quietness and healing; needing to fully trust in God to take care of my needs and desires. I do hope it doesn't take long, but however, if it does take a while, I'm still coming out with victory. I'm an overcomer. 

Let me encourage you while reminding myself of this one thing. Being in a season of quietness and stillness, instead of running to your friends, family, or whoever first, have a conversation with Jesus. He'll give the best advice. He'll know exactly what to do and how to go. Trust in Him. 

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Not Sure Why

Ever wonder if something is wrong with you? This past week has been very difficult. I've been trying to answer "What's wrong with me?" Of course I have come up with a whole list of what it could be, but not one specific answer. My mom and I were talking the other night and we discussed how this all might have started. Yep. I firmly believe this whole mess started when my last relationship ended. I started to wonder if it was really all my fault. Maybe I have commitment issues. 

All this week all I have wanted to do is just walk away. I've seriously thought about getting in my car and leaving. Not going to let anyone know where I'm going, I'm just wanting to leave. All week I've felt not good enough for anything or anyone. I've been thinking to myself, "Why am I nice?" It gets me no where. So it seems anyway. 

I don't need to be reminded how much I've screwed up. There are days where I feel like a wasted space. Now I know that's not true, but there have been times when I beg God to please not wake me up. Not feeling very important or feeling like a priority of any level. 

Now please do not take me the wrong way when I say this next statement. I know that I have sinned and done wrong. Even after repented, it still does not make me perfect. BUT... it really hurts when I've tried to do right, no matter what it is, and I'm still in this mess I'm in. Then there are people who could care less if its right or not, and they manage to have the right car, right job, right relationship, etc. 

And people who actually work hard, still have nothing to show for it. 

I'm hurt and broken. 
Feeling sometimes confused.

Why is it so hard? 

I'm trying to figure out what's triggering me wanting to snap because I have no clue.


Sunday, June 29, 2014

Depression: It Had To Go

The Clint Brown song, "If Not For Grace" is really summing up my night tonight. The song was not sang this evening, but the lyrics are flowing throughout my head and spirit. Had God not intervened and moved on my behalf tonight I would hate to know where my life would be headed. I'm so thankful that I do not have to find out. My chains were broken. Heart was mended. Filled up with the Holy Spirit. I am overflowing with joy. I'm so glad that I went inspire of my 3 day old headache. Came home with no headache. I know that I am healed. I will not give up. I will press on.
Let me just say, depression is real. It is of and from Satan. So it and Satan can go back to the put of hell where they came from. Because I am a Child of The King. No more will I be bound by depression or anything else for that matter that the enemy tries to throw at me.
Tonight I experienced and encountered the love of God. Experience His love for You. Seek Him out. Pursue His presence.

Saturday, June 28, 2014

My Life Moment

I'm not myself lately. Even I can admit that. I'm going through life's trials, if that's what you want to call them. Yes, I go through a routine of getting up Monday through Friday and going to work. On Sunday I get up and go to church. But really, lets be honest, my life is boring. Go ahead and tell me that its my fault. I'll understand. I think I know why people don't want anything to do with me. I'm wasted breath and space. I'm not interesting. Maybe I'm too strange or too obnoxious. Maybe I'm not caught up with the lastest trends enough. Who knows what the real reason is. 
Maybe that's why I'm finding satisfaction in other "worldly" things. I've done things that I never thought I would do. Never thought I'd be a drinker. Never thought I'd have an addiction to food, among other small things. I'm to the point where I don't care what happens to my body. It's not like I'm pleasant to look at. Who would want to spend time with me? Let's list the reasons why not:
1. I'm not skinny
2. Some extra body to my frame
3. Red hair
4. Not tan
5. Actually likes to cover up and not reveal self to people
6. Maybe I talk funny
7. Almost 30 and still a virgin (maybe I should reconsider this one)
8. Not really a big drinker
9. Maybe its my green/hazel eyes

I could probably go on. 

Oh well, this is my life. Work and stay in bed. Most days I don't want to get out of bed. It would be nice to have somewhere to call home, but lately I don't even feel welcome there. All I want to do is change things up a bit. Is it too much to ask? 

Sunday, May 4, 2014

Simple Acts of Kindness and Truths

This is something that I am wanting to share.

Recently while sitting at one of our cities local restaurants, two very profound, but simple things took place. Both represented faith and appreciation towards our country, and to Our Father in heaven. As I was sitting in my seat, observing the people and my surroundings (minding my own business), a family came in and sat right behind me. It was a mother, her daughter and son. Their food came and it was time to eat. The mother asked her son not to eat yet because they have not prayed over their food. So when they had got situated and were ready to begin eating, the mom asked her son to pray over the food. I could only hear small bits and pieces of his prayer because he wasn't very loud, but God heard him. So it did not matter if I had heard him or not.
I absolutely love seeing families, or even individuals for that matter, still pray over their food in public. Sure it's easier to do at home when no one else is around, but with the right attitude in heart and spirit, the action of praying in public speaks volumes. My family, when we go out to eat, we join hands and pray. We don't care who sees or hears. Its apart of our faith and obedience to God. Its what He would have us do.

The same scene and same morning, another wonderful thing happens. A family traveling comes in for breakfast. Just a few seconds later, a military (Army I believe) gentleman walks in. This traveling family orders their food and just as the cashier is about to read them their order back and tell them the total, the man turns to the military gentleman behind him and says to order whatever he would like to have; that he is buying his breakfast. He tells the cashier to add his order to their family's order. Their was a shaking of hands out of respect and appreciation. I sat in my seat absolutely amazed and thanking God that their are still people who have this attitude towards our military men and women.

The two scenarios may sound very different, but I think they share similarities. To put it in one word, "FREEDOM".

Freedom is never free. It has always come with a high cost. I say "high" because the cost that was paid and is being paid even in these current times, is that laying down of one's life. Men and Women who have their whole lives ahead of them, decide at a young age to defend and serve their country. They know going into whatever branch, their life could be what saves another life. Branch doesn't matter, north or south doesn't matter, people for generations, young and old, have laid down their lives for this country. All for one word, freedom.

In saying this, I'm reminded of the ultimate sacrifice. As Christians, we believe that God sent His ONLY SON, Jesus Christ to die for us. Our freedom, even spiritually came with a high cost. Blood of one innocent man was shed so that we could live. I just find this so profound and relative to what I experienced and observed this particular morning.

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Reason 13- He Redeems All Things

Lord God, I praise You because you are my Redeemer. Even with everything I've gone through physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc You have and will continue to redeem me. I know You do this because of how much You love me. Thank You God, my Love, for redeeming me.

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Reason 12- He Has A Purpose for Me

I thank You Lord that You already took the time to map out where You want me to go and who You would want me to be. Your purpose for me is great and good. You created me just the way I am so that I can fulfill this specific purpose. You knew me before I was born. You knew what I am capable of. You know everything about me. I'm thankful that You haven't said to me Your full plan for my life; I might try and run if You did that. Thank You for being patient with me as I figure this thing out. You are always here to help. Lord I praise You because You have a purpose for me.

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Reason 11- He Is With Me

Daddy God, O how I love Your presence. You are always with me. Everywhere I go, there You will be. I love that You meet with me where ever and when ever I call on Your name. One of my common places is in my car. So many times I have felt Your presence just while driving down the road. You are with me. I thank You for being with me in scary times. I thank You for being with me in my saddest times. I thank You for being with me in my greatest times. I praise You because You are with me. Thank You Jesus!

Reason 10- He Is All Powerful

Thank You, Lord. I praise You for being all powerful to me and through my life. You know that this might be one of my favorite characteristics about You. Although You are many, many things, being all powerful. You can do whatever it is that You want. Whatever pleases You. That's pretty awesome. I thank You have power over everything and anything. Lord, You are so good and powerful. Satan was an idiot when he thought he could go higher than You. Thank You Lord for putting the enemy where he belongs. He has no power over Your children. I praise You because You are all powerful.

Monday, March 24, 2014

Reason 9- He Is Holy

Father, there are so many words to describe just who You are. Song after song has been written telling of who You are. You are so many things to all kinds of different people. But... Only one word I believe can truly sum it all up. You are...Holy! I praise You because You are holy. There is no one like You in all the earth. No one and no thing like You anywhere. You are holy!!!!

Reason 8- He Is A Good God

LORD!! You are good!! Thank You for Your goodness. You have always been so very good to me. This is why I will give You praise. It's because of how good You are. Everything about You is good. I know I've had days where I didn't like You very much (just being real), but by the end of the day I'm still saying how good You are. It's because You are always there to bring me through. Even through all my screw ups, You are still good. You are good to me even when I sleep. Thank You Jesus for being so good. I praise You for Your goodness.

Reason 7- His Word

Father God, I'm so very thankful for Your Word. You said what you had to say because you knew that even 2,000 years later we, Your people would need it. It's life's instruction manual. I'll be the first to admit that some of the instruction is harder to take, but obedience is better than sacrifice. I'm thankful for the Word in the since of how You still speak to Your people. You speak in that still small voice. I'm thankful that when You speak to me, it's with clarity. You leave no room for confusion. I thank You and praise You for giving me Your Word.

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Reason 6- He Gave Me His Holy Spirit

Lord I thank You for Your Holy Spirit. I'm thankful for the gift of receiving the Holy Spirit. It is He who guides our every decision and step. It is Your Spirit that helps us know right from wrong, and to discern foolishness or sound wisdom. I'm so very thankful for the in-filling of the Holy Spirit. I praise  You for Your Spirit. I love how I can feel Your Spirit every where I go. Where I go, He goes. He lets me know if I should stay or if I should go. Thank You for Your Holy Spirit.

Something Has Gotta Give

Whenever I become extremely emotional or "depressed" (using that term lightly), I find that I do things that either I know I shouldn't do and/or say OR I do things that I normally wouldn't do and/or say. It probably happens to most people, if not all of us.
Not going to be blaming anyone but myself. I'm the one who let the enemy use me like a puppet. I fell into his lies. I have found myself believing the following:
1. You're not good enough.
2. No one wants you around.
3. You bother people.
4. No man will truly want/need/desire to have you.

I could go on.

So how does "Sarah" want to handled these feelings/emotions? What does "Sarah" do? I'll tell you. First of all there might/could be a percentage of raging hormones all over the place. Ok! Well my intention is never to snap. I turn to food. I isolate myself. I will go into my bedroom, lock the door, and be in there for at least two hours. That's only if my isolation doesn't run into my bed time, then I'm in my room until morning. I cry. Oh boy, I can almost cry at the drop of a hat. Another thing I do, as it was pointed out to me, is I take my feelings out on my hair. Oh my goodness! What my hair has been though these past three weeks has been rough. Literally I could be the next one to pull a Britney Spears. Just saying.

What should I do? Well, instead of just trying of thinking about it, I really just need to make up my mind and do it. Just look at my fear in the face and tell it to go back to the pit of hell where it came from. In which I have to do this every time; it's what we all should do. I need to stop focusing on what it is I want God to do for me and start focusing on what He wants me to do for Him. He created me, not I created God. Being raised in church my entire life, I could very easily go through the motions, but like the saying says, " It's not about religion, it's about relationship. "
A serious relationship, such as a marriage, takes work. It's not a one person task. It takes two people; a husband and wife. Well, as a single woman, I'm needing to trust God to be my husband. I need to trust that He will be my provider. I need to trust that He will fill every void I have present in my life. I need to trust that He will carry me through and bring me out along the way. I need to trust that He will guide me correctly and put me right where He wants me. He is the head of my life. I need to trust Him with my life.

So Lord, I pray that You will help me to trust You in every area of my life. Something has gotta give. It's going to have to be me. I give my life to You.

Reason 5- He Forgave Me

Daddy God, I praise and thank You for Your gift of forgiveness. Without Your forgiveness, we would not be able to forgive others. And without forgiveness, there would be no love. For that's what love does consist of, its being able to forgive. Help me Father to forgive those who have cursed me, who have hurt me. Help me to show them the love You would have me show. Thank You once again for such a beautiful gift. I praise You because You forgave me. Because I believed and received Your love and accepted Your forgiveness, I also received Your grace and mercy. I'm so thankful for the many, many times You forgave me. I'm thankful for the hundreds of second chances. Thank You Jesus for making it all possible.

Saturday, March 22, 2014

Reason 4- He Died For Me

Father God, thank You for Your Son who died for me. Thank You for Your sacrifice. Thank You for every drop of blood. If there was no blood shed, then there would be no chance for me as I live. Real love could not truly be shown. It was on the cross where true love was displayed. Thank You Jesus fir setting the example of real and true love. You love me so much that you saw me worth dying for. I give You praise because You died for me. 

Oh Snap!

This past week I have really tried to put together how I'm really feeling. And every time I write/post something, I delete it because I don't want to hurt your feelings. Even though I'm hurt, maybe a little confused, that doesn't mean I want to "return the favor:" It wouldn't even surprise if it was all my fault. These past couple of years I feel like I'm the one who's at fault. I'm guilty. Over half the time I don't say anything because I don't want to fuel the flames anymore than what they already are. 
Some people have said that they really don't care if we remain friends or not. I know that some friendships are only for a season and some for a lifetime, but to say that you don't care....really? How sad? 
Some people have said to me that I am inconveniencing them. They have had to rearrange their schedules to fit mine. But yet, you say "Its only temporary." Well, I'm going to say the same thing to you, "It's only temporary." Yeah, I regret not listening in the first place, but don't tell me that I am an inconvenience.  
Some people just don't tell me the truth. They say only what they think I want to hear. Be real with me. I've got my big girl panties on. If I bother you, tell me. If you need me to back off, tell me. Please rude or mean, and please don't humiliate me, but tell me. 
Some people who I wish would talk to me and include me more, don't. However, they have no problem sending me a once a month text to ask for their money when it is due. 
I'm so tired of feeling that I'm part of a competition for friendship. I am only one person. Wish I could clone myself, but sorry, that's not happening. Please don't get offended if we don't get to spend time together all the time. If I say no, it's nothing personal. 
I know that I need to put more effort into some of my friendships, but I'm also having to work through things in my life. I have NO car. I am debt free, but now having to rebuild. I still live at home. I want out. 
Feeling like I was pushed into choosing a career just so I could become financially stable. Finally at a job that I just absolutely love, BUT NO, feeling like you don't really approve because I'm not making the money you think I should be making. I would think you'd be a little proud and maybe you are. 
Definitely feeling like I'm hearing my wrongs more than what I'm doing rights. In fact there are areas where I know I've improved, but the second I do something wrong or something that you may not approve of, you have no problem speaking up at that moment.
I want a tattoo. Let me just say, that if I felt the least bit that I was being disrespectful then I would have got it when I turned eighteen. I'm 28. I've had ten plus years to think about this. 
Just the other day, all I wanted to do was give an update and be open. I hadn't been talking for five minutes and you have already voiced your opinion. Apparently, my reasoning doesn't matter. All that matters is what you have to say.
Not sure if you know this, but I cry now at the drop of a hat. Want to know why I hide in my room and lock the door? I've learned that if I stay in there, my opinions, thoughts, plans, etc. they are not always being shot down. I'm tired of seeking out your approval. Yes, I want you to be proud, but my life is my life. And the only one who I'm out to please is God. Not no body else. 




Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Reason 3: He Loves Me

Praising You everyday for Your love, and not just any love, but for an unconditional love. There is no one on this earth who could love me like You. I praise You because Your love, as like a Father, is never ending. Your love will never run out. Your love will never fail. I thank You for Your love. I praise You because it is also by Your love that I am able to love others, including ones that I do not know. I praise You because that is what You are all about, I praise You for waking me up this morning that I may express how much I do love You. Your love is better than life. Your love is always there for me. No matter how many times I stumble and fall, You love me. No matter how many times I may break Your heart, You still love me.

I praise You because You love me.

Reason 2: He is My Father

To my Heavenly Father, I like to call You Daddy, I praise You because You are just that. You are my Father. There is no one like You. No one can even come close to even begin to compare. I praise You for every tear that You have seen and bottled up. I praise You for every time You are there to calm my fears and steady my heart. You really are the perfect Daddy looking after His little girl; His princess. I praise You and thank You for the times You said no, even when I thought You should had said yes. You know always what is best for Your daughter. I praise You that You will continue to look out for me as such.

I praise You because You are my Father.

Reason 1: He is My Creator

Thank You Lord that You have taken Your time to create everything beautiful. You said over and over that it is good. I praise You Lord for making me fearfully and wonderfully. I am made in your image. And for each day that passes I thank You that I see me for who You see me as. I praise You for all that is surrounding me. I praise You for the trees, grass, sky, water, food, animals...everything. I praise You for the people. For every person that has been in my life and may not be anymore, Lord, You had them serve a purpose. For every person who is in my life now, I am grateful. For every person who is to come into my life, I even praise you for them. I praise you for seeing Your people beautiful. I praise You for taking the broken and making it into beautiful. You make all things new.

I praise Your because You are my creator.

Current Read on Praise

"The Prayer That Changes Everything" by Stormie Omartian is the book that I am currently reading. It's absolutely wonderful and eye opening. Plus it's very easy to follow along. She talking about how praise is the prayer that changes everything. She includes fifteen reasons to praise God now. I want to encourage you to praise God now. No matter what you are facing. God deserves all your praise. Set your focus on Him. Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to give you these reasons. Then write my own personal prayers for each. I recommend that you read this book. Again, wonderful. God will use anything to remind us of His love and speak through anything. 

The reasons to praise God now:
1. He is my creator
2. He is my Father
3. He loves me
4. He died for me
5. He forgave me
6. He gave me His Holy Spirit
7. He gave me His word
8. He is a good God
9. He is Holy
10. He is all-powerful
11. He is with me
12. He has a purpose for my life
13. He redeems all things
14. He is light of the world
15. He is...(just because)