Thursday, July 24, 2014

Not Sure Why

Ever wonder if something is wrong with you? This past week has been very difficult. I've been trying to answer "What's wrong with me?" Of course I have come up with a whole list of what it could be, but not one specific answer. My mom and I were talking the other night and we discussed how this all might have started. Yep. I firmly believe this whole mess started when my last relationship ended. I started to wonder if it was really all my fault. Maybe I have commitment issues. 

All this week all I have wanted to do is just walk away. I've seriously thought about getting in my car and leaving. Not going to let anyone know where I'm going, I'm just wanting to leave. All week I've felt not good enough for anything or anyone. I've been thinking to myself, "Why am I nice?" It gets me no where. So it seems anyway. 

I don't need to be reminded how much I've screwed up. There are days where I feel like a wasted space. Now I know that's not true, but there have been times when I beg God to please not wake me up. Not feeling very important or feeling like a priority of any level. 

Now please do not take me the wrong way when I say this next statement. I know that I have sinned and done wrong. Even after repented, it still does not make me perfect. BUT... it really hurts when I've tried to do right, no matter what it is, and I'm still in this mess I'm in. Then there are people who could care less if its right or not, and they manage to have the right car, right job, right relationship, etc. 

And people who actually work hard, still have nothing to show for it. 

I'm hurt and broken. 
Feeling sometimes confused.

Why is it so hard? 

I'm trying to figure out what's triggering me wanting to snap because I have no clue.


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