Sunday, June 29, 2014

Depression: It Had To Go

The Clint Brown song, "If Not For Grace" is really summing up my night tonight. The song was not sang this evening, but the lyrics are flowing throughout my head and spirit. Had God not intervened and moved on my behalf tonight I would hate to know where my life would be headed. I'm so thankful that I do not have to find out. My chains were broken. Heart was mended. Filled up with the Holy Spirit. I am overflowing with joy. I'm so glad that I went inspire of my 3 day old headache. Came home with no headache. I know that I am healed. I will not give up. I will press on.
Let me just say, depression is real. It is of and from Satan. So it and Satan can go back to the put of hell where they came from. Because I am a Child of The King. No more will I be bound by depression or anything else for that matter that the enemy tries to throw at me.
Tonight I experienced and encountered the love of God. Experience His love for You. Seek Him out. Pursue His presence.

Saturday, June 28, 2014

My Life Moment

I'm not myself lately. Even I can admit that. I'm going through life's trials, if that's what you want to call them. Yes, I go through a routine of getting up Monday through Friday and going to work. On Sunday I get up and go to church. But really, lets be honest, my life is boring. Go ahead and tell me that its my fault. I'll understand. I think I know why people don't want anything to do with me. I'm wasted breath and space. I'm not interesting. Maybe I'm too strange or too obnoxious. Maybe I'm not caught up with the lastest trends enough. Who knows what the real reason is. 
Maybe that's why I'm finding satisfaction in other "worldly" things. I've done things that I never thought I would do. Never thought I'd be a drinker. Never thought I'd have an addiction to food, among other small things. I'm to the point where I don't care what happens to my body. It's not like I'm pleasant to look at. Who would want to spend time with me? Let's list the reasons why not:
1. I'm not skinny
2. Some extra body to my frame
3. Red hair
4. Not tan
5. Actually likes to cover up and not reveal self to people
6. Maybe I talk funny
7. Almost 30 and still a virgin (maybe I should reconsider this one)
8. Not really a big drinker
9. Maybe its my green/hazel eyes

I could probably go on. 

Oh well, this is my life. Work and stay in bed. Most days I don't want to get out of bed. It would be nice to have somewhere to call home, but lately I don't even feel welcome there. All I want to do is change things up a bit. Is it too much to ask?