Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Goodbye, Hello

Another year is close to an end. We say goodbye 2013 and hello 2014. While some people will be making their normal resolutions, my goal is to just take one day at a time. Sure I have some goals that I would like to accomplish, but if not it's okay. Lord willing there is always next year. Haha. 

Not too much before the New Year, I celebrate my birthday. I stated in my personal writings that I want this year to be different. I'm not sure what's ahead, but I'm looking forward to whatever is in store. I know that God is in control. 

The 2013 year was a pretty good year for me overall. Having found favor with my job and my most exciting goal of losing some of my excess weight. So far I have lost 40 pounds. Blessings come with obedience. Thank You Jesus! 

God answered my prayers. One thing I realized was that God uses my silliness. I think He gets a good laugh, but that's who I am. 

I am on my way to finding out more about who God is and more about who I am in Him. That's what I want out of 2014. 

Monday, December 30, 2013

Home Alone: The Perks

My Parents travel quite a bit. In fact as I type this they are currently in Florida, our hometown of Kissimmee. When they return, they will only be home for a couple of days before they head over to London. So naturally, even at 28 years old I find joy when they leave for a vacation. Yes I want them to be safe and return home safely, but still I like it when they leave. 
I thought it would be fun to list the perks of being home alone. Here they are: 

1. Brewing coffee. (My Dad can't stand the smell.)
2. No one is in the kitchen where I am awakened by the clanking of pots and pans. 
3. I choose what's for dinner. That is if I eat anything at all. 
4. Don't have to share TV time. 
5. I know I'm not disturbing anyone in the house. 
6. Loud music. 
7. Experimental cooking. 
8. Click out of being the bossy older sister. (My brother and I actually get along better)
9. I don't have to isolate myself to a certain part of the house. 
10. Access to Mom and Dads car.
11. I choose what time I eat dinner. It's usually around the 5:00 hour. 
12. Reading out loud and knowing I'm not bothering anyone. 
13. Not being asked to do anything. 
14. Clean at my own pace. No rushing for me. 
15. Not in a hurry for anything. 

Of course you can't just list the perks without mentioning the non-perks of being home alone. 

1. Take care of animals. This includes feeding hay to the cows during the winter. By the way, the hay we use makes me itch and sneeze like no other. 
2. Something usually always happens cow related, but just as long as it's none of them dropping dead or having troubled labor it's not that bad. I just have to keep watch. 
3. Make sure garbage is gathered and ready to go out on Monday. (Which reminds me, it's Monday!)... Be right back. 
Ok. I'm back!

4. Water plants. If you know me, this is probably the one thing that is the hardest. I don't do plants, at least real ones. They don't stand a chance. 
5. Let's just sum it all up. All the responsibility that I normally don't do, I have to do. 

I'm sure there are more pros and cons to being home alone, but all in all I enjoy it. 
May you have some of your own. Tell me what they are. 

Blessings :)

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Right Words to Say

Saying how I feel about someone does not come easy for me. That might just be cause I have only done it one time and it ended up, well, not in my favor. So I often think about what I could/would say if it ever came about for me to do it again. Of course, the next time it happens, if it happens, I'm letting Holy Spirit have it. He will give me the right words to say. He will show me where, how, and when. No worries from me. God has everything under control. 

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Talking Now

In regards to what I wrote down earlier today. I love how God works and this is to show how good He really is. After starting a new plan called, Hearing from God, He reminded me that He does want to speak to me. It just may not be in ways He speaks to others. God made us each unique. He will speak. He has great plans for me. He loves me. If anything He keeps reminding me of His love. 

Wanting To Know

I like to express how I feel and what I am going through through writing. Everything that I would want to say comes out on paper. My mind is focused. What I'm feeling now isn't new, and surprisingly, its not a shocker that I feel this way.
I'm fragile. My heart is very sensitive. My feelings are hanging by a thread and at any moment I feel as if someone will come and cut that thread just to watch me shatter. I have noticed that I become discouraged easily. Not to mention, frustration with just about any little thing comes quickly. 
On a positive note, I really love to laugh. So I try to surround myself with people who will allow me to laugh as much as I can and want. They might look at me strange, but who cares? They don't and I certainly don't. 
I'm even feeling that I'm becoming spiritually deaf. What have I done that I just can not hear from God? I don't like to rely on other people to give the godly answers I need, when I know He's right there. Has He used others? Of course. Do I mind if He does so? No. However, that can not be my only way of getting answers. I need to hear from Him, but I'm not (at least I don't think I am). I do get these little reminders of His live for me, but how do those reminders answer my questions as to what? where? when? how? Not seeing it at all.
Ever since the beginning of this year, God has helped me to discipline myself to reading the Bible every day. Some days I may read longer or not so much as I did the last time, but its forming those good and positive habits that Christians should have. I find myself praying or even just give praise and thanks to God periodically throughout the entire day, not just when I get up and/or go to bed. 
Am I thinking to much into this? Is there not enough effort being put in from me?
I just want to know...

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Writing Daily

Most people that know me, know that I keep a journal. They also know that's a daily thing for me to write. I keep three specific journals. The first one consists of everything. It includes what happens during the day, venting, scripture writing, positive thinking, all my personal info, if I went on a date, etc. My second journal includes just positive thinking. To help me stay on track, the front cover says," whatever is lovely, think about such things."  It also states praises and thanks to God, my Father. The third journal was given to me by a friend who made it specially a journal for my dreams, wishes, and desires. It's taking a little longer to fill up. 
I'm telling this because all three serve as a reminder of who God is and what He is doing in my life. I can think back to what He's done and I can even hope for what is to come. They all remind me of Gods love for me and how good He is to me. I can count my blessings through my writing. 

Let's face it

Why is it so hard to express feelings? Sometimes I wish feelings and desires never existed. Why bother to even believe that dreams come true? Or desires come to pass? I'm beginning to believe that it's just me. Let's just face reality. It's just me. 

Sunday, December 8, 2013

Maybe It's Just Me

I have felt unwanted. I feel like people ( guys) only get with me because they think that they can't get who they really want. I'm not skinny. My body has some imperfections. I've got some curves. My frame isn't exactly small either. I bite my nails. I'm definitely not someone who would be picked out of a line up. Recently I had a dream and the enemy in my dream was my fear that keeps me from telling my true feelings. Oh she was beautiful. Perfect body, skin, hair, boobs, etc. You name it, she had it. 

I have felt unimportant. People know that I have a big heart. In fact I've been told by a family member that my heart is bigger than my head and that I need to balance it out. I have in the past, been taken advantage of. I just could not say no. It breaks my heart to see and know of people who are hurting in any way. 

I have felt unaccepted. On a positive note, I'm definitely a people person. Typically I'm not shy, but I do have a shy side. Here lately it's been difficult for me to plug in. My intention is never to be apart of a click. However, it's all around. 

I have felt forgotten. This one really speaks for itself. Just go log into my Facebook account and see how many times I'm saying Congratulations to people who have gotten engaged, gotten married, who are having babies, gotten their own house, etc. Another positive note, I sincerely mean the congratulations. Then on the other hand, I just want to delete my account all together because well,....you know. 

All these things put together makes me think what have I done wrong. What am I doing differently? Or maybe I've done nothing wrong, maybe it's just me?