Sunday, December 15, 2013

Wanting To Know

I like to express how I feel and what I am going through through writing. Everything that I would want to say comes out on paper. My mind is focused. What I'm feeling now isn't new, and surprisingly, its not a shocker that I feel this way.
I'm fragile. My heart is very sensitive. My feelings are hanging by a thread and at any moment I feel as if someone will come and cut that thread just to watch me shatter. I have noticed that I become discouraged easily. Not to mention, frustration with just about any little thing comes quickly. 
On a positive note, I really love to laugh. So I try to surround myself with people who will allow me to laugh as much as I can and want. They might look at me strange, but who cares? They don't and I certainly don't. 
I'm even feeling that I'm becoming spiritually deaf. What have I done that I just can not hear from God? I don't like to rely on other people to give the godly answers I need, when I know He's right there. Has He used others? Of course. Do I mind if He does so? No. However, that can not be my only way of getting answers. I need to hear from Him, but I'm not (at least I don't think I am). I do get these little reminders of His live for me, but how do those reminders answer my questions as to what? where? when? how? Not seeing it at all.
Ever since the beginning of this year, God has helped me to discipline myself to reading the Bible every day. Some days I may read longer or not so much as I did the last time, but its forming those good and positive habits that Christians should have. I find myself praying or even just give praise and thanks to God periodically throughout the entire day, not just when I get up and/or go to bed. 
Am I thinking to much into this? Is there not enough effort being put in from me?
I just want to know...

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