Whenever I become extremely emotional or "depressed" (using that term lightly), I find that I do things that either I know I shouldn't do and/or say OR I do things that I normally wouldn't do and/or say. It probably happens to most people, if not all of us.
Not going to be blaming anyone but myself. I'm the one who let the enemy use me like a puppet. I fell into his lies. I have found myself believing the following:
1. You're not good enough.
2. No one wants you around.
3. You bother people.
4. No man will truly want/need/desire to have you.
I could go on.
So how does "Sarah" want to handled these feelings/emotions? What does "Sarah" do? I'll tell you. First of all there might/could be a percentage of raging hormones all over the place. Ok! Well my intention is never to snap. I turn to food. I isolate myself. I will go into my bedroom, lock the door, and be in there for at least two hours. That's only if my isolation doesn't run into my bed time, then I'm in my room until morning. I cry. Oh boy, I can almost cry at the drop of a hat. Another thing I do, as it was pointed out to me, is I take my feelings out on my hair. Oh my goodness! What my hair has been though these past three weeks has been rough. Literally I could be the next one to pull a Britney Spears. Just saying.
What should I do? Well, instead of just trying of thinking about it, I really just need to make up my mind and do it. Just look at my fear in the face and tell it to go back to the pit of hell where it came from. In which I have to do this every time; it's what we all should do. I need to stop focusing on what it is I want God to do for me and start focusing on what He wants me to do for Him. He created me, not I created God. Being raised in church my entire life, I could very easily go through the motions, but like the saying says, " It's not about religion, it's about relationship. "
A serious relationship, such as a marriage, takes work. It's not a one person task. It takes two people; a husband and wife. Well, as a single woman, I'm needing to trust God to be my husband. I need to trust that He will be my provider. I need to trust that He will fill every void I have present in my life. I need to trust that He will carry me through and bring me out along the way. I need to trust that He will guide me correctly and put me right where He wants me. He is the head of my life. I need to trust Him with my life.
So Lord, I pray that You will help me to trust You in every area of my life. Something has gotta give. It's going to have to be me. I give my life to You.