Friday, October 14, 2011

26 Going on 30

Hearing the words, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I now present to you this years graduates, Class of 2005!" One of the best days of my life. A feeling of accomplishment came over me. All the classes, all the homework, and all the projects finally paid off. Nineteen and one step closer to experiencing independence.

My goals were set. Some of them included: Start college in the late fall; going to study Cosmetology. Get a full time job and work as much as I could. The overall goal was to get out on my own. It was all in my head. In order to succeed, I had to follow a certain order.

Now, here we are. It has been six years since I have graduated high school. I am happy to report that I did graduate from Cosmetology school in 2008. Then I went on to pass my state board exam to receive my license for my career. At this point I was only twenty-two. I still had three more years before I said I was going to move out. Well, my three years are up.  I told myself that if I was not married by the time I was twenty-five that I would try to move out on my own. It is October and it's less than two months from my twenty-sixth birthday and I still live at home. 

Last Christmas, I became engaged and week before our one year dating anniversary, I called the engagement and relationship off. How smart of me? Seriously Sarah? I knew that I had to call it off, but there again I was so close to moving out. However the more I thought about it, I would not be moving into independence. Although getting married was a wonderful thought and feeling. Someone actually loved me. Someone wanted to marry me. I felt horrible, but I knew what I had to do. However, this is not about getting married.

Now that I am officially in my mid-twenties, I wonder what I will become. Some days the word failure comes to mind, but on the other hand, I have accomplished some. The dream to get married isn't really important to me anymore. I want to succeed. Currently, I got myself back into school, training for a different career. This time hoping for better income results. When I graduated back in 2008 from beauty school, the economy sunk. So basically, people were still getting their hair done, but not as often. Really, the only way that you made money in the business was if you already had a clientele. I still do hair on the side. However, my career choice time is in the medical field. I am studying to be an Occupational Therapy Assistant. 

Here back in September, a friend of mine turned thirty. It made me start to think about what I have accomplished. While there may be some, it's just not where I need to be. Sometimes I cry because I wonder if I will ever move forward or if I'll be stuck here for the rest of my life. I've made some bad decisions and now for some I am paying the consequences. God wasn't kidding when he said "You will reap what you sow."  I know better and I should want to do things the right way. When will it fully click? 

I may not be happy with my situations, but I'm thankful that God is always with me and that he will not leave me behind to watch me fail. Through Him all things are possible. I am so grateful to everyone who has helped me. Thank you Jesus for being right there beside me. I know that you are guiding me every step of the way. 

God bless!

1 comment:

  1. Hey you! I know exactly how you feel! I started thinking the other day, 'gosh, I'm fixin' to be 25 and everyone I know around me is either married, popping out babies, or have amazing career jobs.' And where am I?! Still in retail...and still in school. There are days where I wonder if I'm even in the right field for school...should I stop going or continue and try another field after? I have so many thoughts running in my mind. Me, I don't wanna wait any longer to be married. I'm tired of being single. I want a relationship with an amazing man(not boy) and I know God has someone for me but when? Where? How? So...yeah...I've got million of things running through my mind too. Love you lots!