Started writing at 3:39 A.M.
Finished writing at 4:12 A.M.
As I begin writing this piece I see that it is twenty minutes until four in the morning. I am hoping NOT to be up for 24 + hours. A lot has been on my mind; a lot has been on my heart.
Hoping for a change. God is having to teach me that it's okay to pray for myself. I'm constantly praying about and for others. Which is good, but I have needs to and they are just as important. Here lately I've been putting my needs on the back burner.
For almost two years now, I have been reading a lot. Never used to like it, but now I want to. There is one book that I am trying so desperately to finish, but its like God only wants me in His word and nothing else. Tonight I came across a book that I have by Joyce Meyer, "Battlefield of the Mind". I'm sure that I have mentioned it; most people that know me know that I learn quite a bit from Joyce and her teaching. I was drawn to pick up and start reading the book. Then it clicked, I just need to take things more seriously when it comes to my spiritual walk and needs. If there is negative thoughts forming, then I want to go ahead and learn now how to prevent them and keep them away.
The mind is a powerful tool. God made it like that. I like how Joyce describes our mind as like a computer and God Himself is the computer programmer. It's funny! I've never thought about it like that.
Another change I am hoping for is an insecurity I have to go away; I don't want to feel this and I definitely do not want to be afraid of it. Here it is: I like to work out by myself. I will exercise with close friends and other women, but I will not do anything if even one man is present. I am embarrassed by how I look physically: from the shoulders the low waist. Playing sports and walking every night have helped keeping my legs in pretty good shape. So I got me a walking buddy. She and I go walking when everybody in my house has gone to bed. I wake her up at some weird hour and I say, "Leslie! Let's walk!!!"
Tonight tears came to my eyes as I began walking because for once I felt great about doing something for myself. I want to be healthy. I want to be "sexy" (Well, to whoever my Boaz is)! Most importantly though, I want to be ready for whatever God has planned for me. This includes physical characteristics. He made my body and called it a temple. Temples are strong; they hold up to what they are built for. Temples are beautiful; not trashy and weak.
Like I said in the beginning, there have been a lot of things on my mind and heart....